Friday, September 3, 2010

I miss you

I got a news from friend that you are going back to Sandakan that day. I couldn't describe my feeling about that. He told me that thats my opportunity to ask you back but i wouldn't dare to do that. The first thing i did when i received the news was i called you, get the confirmation and offer myself to pick you up. You denied because due to your family issues again. Maybe i'm missing you too much, i still invite one of my buddies to go check out in the airport. Your flight arrived at 9.00pm but i was waiting there since 8.30pm because i would not want your parents to notice my appearance. From far, i saw you walking out the terminal, with an white shirt. I really wish to go and say Hi but i dont wan something stupid happened later.

Luckily, you would still going to hang out with me when you are in Sandakan. We went to have a drink and we meet some friends and people who allow us to stay in their apartment when i was in KL. They knew the whole story about us and i personally think that they would though we are getting back together. Anyway, thats not important. We have a really long long chat, you talked a lot, a lot but none of the topic are about us or our relationship. You look very happy when we are chatting. Frankly, i really wish to talk about our problems, getting another chance from you but i really dont wanna see you cry anymore. You are very happy now, except studies, you don hav anymore stress. You have a bunch of good friends which can share a lot with you. Since you are so happy nowadays, i really don wish to spoilt ur happiness.

During the 3rd day, we went out with some of our friends. Personally i think thats a awkward situation cause i really dunno how to act in front of them. We were still couples months ago but right now? Who am i? Hmm... I really dont understand. Every night i sent you home, i cried outside your house. I really wish you can stay longer. I remember the time that kissing your forehead everytime i send you home. I cried, seriously, i cried but i dont know what to do..

After those days, you couldn't go out anymore because your family again. We still managed to go back to our secondary school go get a non-academic transcipt from our teacher. I can see that you do not know how to answer when teacher ask us whether we are still together or not. I felt really sad but i pretend i didnt get it. We chat a while on MSN but you seems emo because you couldn't get ur information. Things get worse when you change ur status update on ur facebook. At that moment, i knew that its definitely from your mum again, she's giving you pressure. After that night, i went to buy some chocolate for you because i knew that you would like it. You smile happily when i handed it to you but, our status are different.

I cant even send you off when you are going to board back to KL. Like the day you arrived, what can i do is check you out from far. I only can see a good family reunion and only dare to call you when they left and you walk into the terminal. I called you, wished you but you wouldn't know what to say and told me that you wouldn't like to chat anymore. I really miss you a lot but i know i couldn't do anything. I think the problems is not LOVE - LOVE anymore. Its family...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Until today, i couldn't believed that we had broke up. Not even a bit. I think about you everyday, everynight. Everyone include YOU asked me to let it go, let it go. How could i do that? I tried every single way to release my stress, none of it works. I try my best to ask to give me one more chance but you keep denied. Right now, I still believe you are still in love with me, i really believe but i think the problem is not me and you anymore. I strongly believe, its definitely regard to your parents. I have lost all my ideas, being together with me, its our problem, why should it related or bond with our families? Why should you let your familes to decide everything?

Maybe its truth, after few weeks of considerate, i feel that i couldn't blame anyone. Which parents would like their precious daughter to date a fucking douche bag like me. Like that THEY said, i am super duper playful, i wont even think about my future. Right now, i had lost all my direction, i dunno what to do next. I get sohai result for my A level, i lost my love one. Right now, i lost both of it, i don have quota to debate with ur parents anymore, they totally wouldn't like me to appear in ur life again. I really hope you will be with right now cause i know, you are the only one that can inspire me, who can motivate me.

I keep thinking when i was in KK, taking my sohai result. Will my result be better if you choose to study in KK? I think yes, before that, when i was in my secondary school, you will always do revision with me, study with me, even make me express notes. I wouldn't be so playful if you are there, you surely gonna control me. However, i dont feel regret or shit because i really learn a lot when i was in kk, i got a lot of good friends, close friends. But this time, i really lost a lot, a lot, a lot..

Looking at ur fb, but wouldn't dare to leave a single shit comment. Looking at ur photo, but dont even dare to text or call you. I really miss you a lot. I dunno whether you still remember me, or think about me or not. I dunno why, i feel that you are in love, or got feel with other guy right now, or maybe i'm think too fucking much. I'm feel jealous of envy for those guys who can talk to you, can share every single shit with you, even good thing or bad thing. You seems like very happy to talk with them. Unlike me, everything you look at me, or talk to me, you look stressful, unhappy, crying.

Right now, i still hope i can be with you, i really dont wan to be alone, but i wont dare to ask you anymore, i'm no one to you, you got a lot of better choice in front of me. Will smoking helps? I really got the temptation to smoke right now because i'm really stressful. Love, Studies even families. Friends who know me well knew that i got a god damn sohai bros. My parents keep ask me to save him up from not studying. Right now, what i can tell them is, i cant even save myself.

Sunday, July 18, 2010


I cant believe when i checked my last post, it was a year ago. Today might be the worst day in my life. I used to have a very pretty girlfriend, a girl who love me very much, care about me, called me every single day. However, sometimes human being are fucking stupid, they would care or do any shit when good things around until something happened. Few hours ago, the gal who love me very much choose to dump me. I felt that my heart and broken into a million pieces, i cannot describe how hurt is it. Its more than a pain in the ass, more like a pain in the anus.

We used a have a merry life, our family like each other, we gather a lot but it all become a memory right now. Friends around me always jealous of me that i'm having such a gf, they will always say i'm a lucky guy, even my lecturer told me that i'm blessed. God had blessed me with such a good relationship, people like me who doesn;t believe in shit religion, broke all this into a million pieces. When i was in kl, i cried 10 days out of 11 days. nearly every single night, i couldn't accept the fact that the girl who been with me for nearly 4 years doesn't love me anymore. I'm no one to her but a step-strangers.

I watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" a lot and i felt that i'm like the guy inside, Peter. Its really everything that remind me of her, my shirt, my pants, my jacket. Like my jacket, i told her i always feel cold when i was in the lecture hall because i don have a jacket but one day, when i come home and she got me this. Now i feel like i'm the warmest and happiest guy in the earth.

Among these days, i really enjoy the time to be with you. The happiest moment for me was the day in Genting, Zoo and Mid Valley, although i didnt feel any love from you to me anymore but the "dating" feeling which absent from me for nearly a year had finally came back. RIght now, all those memories keep on floating inside my mind, Zara, Sub, Nike, Lacoste, Nando. My friend drove me to Pavillion just now and she introduced me the National Zoo which is one of my happiest memory, which is the place she introduced me to all her best buddies in KL.

Actually i knew that she doesn't love me anymore, i really felt that, everything she talked to her friends, she will always be laughing, even texting but when she turned her face to me, the probability of watching her smilling is less then 0.1.

There is 2 factor that cause our relationship to break up, but its all from me... First of all, its she didnt feel any improvement from me, i didnt put enough effort on my study, i admit i was too playful when i was in KK, perhaps super playful. I haven't even get my A2 result and apply any college yet, but she edi give up on me. Secondly, i didnt pay enough attention to her. I always neglect her message when i was in kk because i nearly play pool, dota, drink every single night. So, conclusion, its all my fault to breaking this perfect relationship into piece of shit.

I pretend i was fine, but actually i'm not. When i send her back to her coursemate house just now. I cried, a lot, like a crying baby. I wouldn't want her to leave, i wish i know how to do a chronosphere, trap the time. i know that once she walk away, its the end, she choose to stay until i take my life but i asked to her walk away. I'm crying alone afterwards, looking at a view, its dark, really dark, i cant see a thing, its like a blackhole, the wind who blew over its like a sharp razer cutting throught my face, the tears that roll down my face make me shivering, for a second, i really feel that jumping down from the 14th floor cause i'm really hurt, really hurt...
Normally when i feel really depressed and sad, i drink, play dota a lot, read comic book. I just brought 3 comic books, play 3 hours of dota, i even took few stick of cigar but none of them help. None of them give me a better feeling, not even temporary..

If you are reading this, perhaps i think you wont, i really hope i can get a second chance from you because i knew that you are the one. I don hope this is the end..... I swear i will try my best to be your better man..

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Bad day again?

This is pretty sad. I didnt do well in my test. I only get 70 for maths, `49 for my chemistry, which is my favourite subject, 33 for my biology and lastly, 10/60 for my physics. Kinda bad isn't it? I think its because i spend most of my time reading harry potter. Its really attracting me. Btw, i'm currently still reading The Order of Pheonix. I feel so shame to tell my mum about the result because its really embarrasing.

Within two weeks, i went to two Installation Night which organised by Rotaract Club of Kota Kinabalu and Rotaract Club of Likas Bay. It cost my Rm50 per ticket. Initially i would like to support one club only because I do not know the members of Likas Bay. When i knew that the president that going to be installed in Likas Bay is my dear's Brother, Nicholas Lo, I brought a ticket and went to the installation night. Its kinda boring thou but the point of going from me is to support him. However, at that night, i dunno where to park my car so i decided to park my car in the Hotel's Car park. ( Le Meridean Hotel ). When i left the car park, i was shocked by the parking bills. It cost RM11 for me. Its the most expensive parking in my entire whole life. What to do? Just foot the bill. About the KK Rotaract Club, it was fun thou. Those members threat us for free alcohol drinks and i drank like a fish that day. I'm not that happy because i had a fight with my girlfriend and i feel like i'm being used by someone. At last, i end up in becoming a drunk guy. Ha ha. I nearly sleep at my friend's toilet when i go to pee.

My friend just caught in an accident. His car was badly damaged but luckily he was not seriously injured. However, he ask me to fetch him to school every single day. This is bad for me. Firstly, i don really,erm, close with him, or even like his attitude. How am i suppose to fetch a guy which i wanna punch him? Secondly, his girlfriend who is kinda brainless still say that its compulsory to fetch him. Really wtf. Thats why i drink like a fish this few days because a lot of things happened. But of course, quarrel with gf is the prime factor.

Luckily something really good finally happened. We helped out in the bazaar today. The fund that collected in this bazaar is for our new campus. Its a combination project by Institute Sinaran and Tsun Tzin Secondary School while our school in charge in games. I woke up in this morning but i couldn't wake up. I'm having a heavy headache due to yesterday alcohol but i still go to school eventually because i'm the morning shift leader. The happy thing was our stall earn the highest amount of money compare to other game stall. We earn somewhere around RM4.8k but doing two games call " Strike It- Use the tennis ball to strike the cans" and "Catching Gold Fish with Tissue Net". We earn Rm3k from the cans' stall and 1.8k from the goldfish stall. Although its a hard task, but we will that our effort is worth.

I haven't call my dear for 3 days. Not even texting a message. I dunno why i don wan to call her, neither her. Maybe i think she really god mad on me or pissed my ass off. Never mind, its okay. I just wanna say good luck in her coming exam because she is revising her homework insanely. Just hope she can see this little message from me in my blog.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Budak Sial.

As my title mention, yes, I'm the budak sial this month. Bad things came and looked for me. The first bad things that happened this month is my car mirror being broken by some fucktard and my belongings was stolen by it. I use "it" instead of him or her because i'll treat him as animal if i find it. I lost my begs, my notes which i put inside my files. I lost my "half year notes" which i need to lend my friend's notes and photostat. What a imposing and money - wasting task for me. I being groaned by my mum because she said i like to go out at night, thats why those "animals" aiming for me. Ah.. whatever.

This is what happened to my car. I removed all the tiny little glasses by myself and i sent to the workshop. It costs about RM200 something. I never meet such incident before and i learn a great lesson this time. I wont leave anythings inside my car and wont park my car in some spooky area.

The second bad luck things which happened on me was all about the pool competition. It is held by our school ECA. Due to some funny reason, they were not going to play pool ( 8-ball ) but 9-ball. I think most of you know the rules and how to play nine ball. I practised a lot for this competition but i lose in luck. In my first match, i played against my seniors, Daniel. I managed to pocketed mostly of the ball but i missed the second last one. I mis-pocketed my cue ball and he got the chance to put anywhere he likes. As last, he won the watch. During my second match, i lose in due to my careless. I would like to hide the cue ball but failed, letting my enemy pocketed the nine ball and i was totally stunned.

This is Daniel, my 1st opponent.

This is me, thats the ball i wanna hit but i miss, pocketed my cue ball and lost.

This is me too.

The lastest bad luck things which happened on me was fining, summons. The school and finally come out with such rules, that is our car is not allow to park along the road side anymore. A parents or sohai name Simon had complain to the DBKK and newspaper that our vehicles is the cause of traffic jam in the afternoon and evening. Therefore, i parked my car at different places which opposite my school and in front of a restaurant name "Man Tai". Guess what, i being fined by the Police. I have no fucking clue whats going on and my friend just told me that its not a parking slot. I parked there because mostly of my friend parked there and all of us were holding fining tickets right now.

See the fining tickets right now? My god damn friend purposely MMS this picture to me.
I think i need to go to Church, Temple or Mosque to pray this few days.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Prom Night

The first prom night i ever attend, and its know as Is nite by us. Its really really grand and full with glamour hot chicks. Its likely same as those installation night taht i had attend before.
Work as an usher, so had to arrive earlier. Take a picture before all the guest arrived.

Picture with Flavia

Picture with Cathy

Picture with Jocelyn and Clarissa

Picture with Jovi

Picture with CFC and Michelle

Picture with Chong Jack

Picture with Kim

Picture with Carmen Wong
Picture with Sohai Gary, sien walk with him, girls attracted by him.

Another picture with Catherine..

Another shot with Ong, my group leader.

With Karen, she gonna left for JPA.

Took picture with fucking genius guy, a 15 years old boy who studying a-level.
Chai yi, but i didnt open my eyes.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Hi everyone? Doing good?

Its been nearly 3 weeks i didnt touch my blog due to my laziness. By the way, i am really busy with my school works. Within this 3 weeks, a lot of things happened. I went for Jolin Concert at One Borneo, managed to get her signature. She was extraordinary pretty. One borneo was crowded that night and i took around an hour to leave from One Borneo due to traffic congestion.

Besides, one of my close friends left IS le. His name is Samuel. He is one of my closest friends in KK. He's the first chinese friends that i know since i come to IS. His father ask him to stop studying in IS and switch to Nilai, he would like to continue but his father doesn't agree. He's the only friend that can do all the activities with me like Basketball, Badminton, Sing K, Talk Cock, Study in library, DotA, went to concert, last but not least, dancing and drink like a fish in Pub! Especially B.E.D! Haha. Too bad, he left. I doesn't mean that there is a boundary between my other friends, but all of them coudn't do all activities with me, like John, he couldn't play basketball at all because he said he got asthma wa. Gary, the rich guy never touch alchohol, Howard dunno how to play DotA. Anyway, they all still the friend of mine.

Its a busy week here in my school. Today was the Graduation Ceremony and tomorrow is the Prom Night, we called it as IS night anyway. Basically i didnt in charge of anything but they are short of man power, thats why i'm going to lend them my hand. I'm in charge of making the backdrop and it took 3 days to finish it. It was a nice backdrop, it looks grand, nice, glamour ....... However, we took it off after the ceremony end. So sad. Besides, i also in charge in bouncer, which is control the parking for the graduates, parents and students. Its really a tough because some of the parents are really a fucktard. We nearly involved in a fight with those fucktard because of their stupidity. I wonder how great is it if we become the jockey, the parking stuff wont be going that hard.

My mum call me and groaned for about 30 minutes. She was so sad about my brother result. He nearly failed all the subject. How sad. He is currently form 1 in Tiong Hua, my previous school which i didnt think its a good school overall. That sohai wanna follow my footstep until he choose to study in my previous secondary school. I was so worry about him, i want to give him a talk or a tuition or something else to change his piggy mind.

My dear had finally went back to KL. She told me that she dislike the life there, and i can sense from her too. Living with friends is that hard? Probably yeah. I hope everything will be fine after she moved out because i couldn't take care of her since she's in KL and I'm in KK. She mailed me a formal shirt for my IS night. How sweet is her. Muackss! He he.. My caring GF. Hope to see you soon.

Lastly, to all my precious friends. Is everybody okay? Always loving? Keep in touch buddy, ladies and gentlemen! Take good care of yourself. If possible, wear mask in KL due to H1N1 influeza, i heard there is an internal infection there. Cheers!