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I cant believe when i checked my last post, it was a year ago. Today might be the worst day in my life. I used to have a very pretty girlfriend, a girl who love me very much, care about me, called me every single day. However, sometimes human being are fucking stupid, they would care or do any shit when good things around until something happened. Few hours ago, the gal who love me very much choose to dump me. I felt that my heart and broken into a million pieces, i cannot describe how hurt is it. Its more than a pain in the ass, more like a pain in the anus.

We used a have a merry life, our family like each other, we gather a lot but it all become a memory right now. Friends around me always jealous of me that i'm having such a gf, they will always say i'm a lucky guy, even my lecturer told me that i'm blessed. God had blessed me with such a good relationship, people like me who doesn;t believe in shit religion, broke all this into a million pieces. When i was in kl, i cried 10 days out of 11 days. nearly every single night, i couldn't accept the fact that the girl who been with me for nearly 4 years doesn't love me anymore. I'm no one to her but a step-strangers.

I watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" a lot and i felt that i'm like the guy inside, Peter. Its really everything that remind me of her, my shirt, my pants, my jacket. Like my jacket, i told her i always feel cold when i was in the lecture hall because i don have a jacket but one day, when i come home and she got me this. Now i feel like i'm the warmest and happiest guy in the earth.

Among these days, i really enjoy the time to be with you. The happiest moment for me was the day in Genting, Zoo and Mid Valley, although i didnt feel any love from you to me anymore but the "dating" feeling which absent from me for nearly a year had finally came back. RIght now, all those memories keep on floating inside my mind, Zara, Sub, Nike, Lacoste, Nando. My friend drove me to Pavillion just now and she introduced me the National Zoo which is one of my happiest memory, which is the place she introduced me to all her best buddies in KL.

Actually i knew that she doesn't love me anymore, i really felt that, everything she talked to her friends, she will always be laughing, even texting but when she turned her face to me, the probability of watching her smilling is less then 0.1.

There is 2 factor that cause our relationship to break up, but its all from me... First of all, its she didnt feel any improvement from me, i didnt put enough effort on my study, i admit i was too playful when i was in KK, perhaps super playful. I haven't even get my A2 result and apply any college yet, but she edi give up on me. Secondly, i didnt pay enough attention to her. I always neglect her message when i was in kk because i nearly play pool, dota, drink every single night. So, conclusion, its all my fault to breaking this perfect relationship into piece of shit.

I pretend i was fine, but actually i'm not. When i send her back to her coursemate house just now. I cried, a lot, like a crying baby. I wouldn't want her to leave, i wish i know how to do a chronosphere, trap the time. i know that once she walk away, its the end, she choose to stay until i take my life but i asked to her walk away. I'm crying alone afterwards, looking at a view, its dark, really dark, i cant see a thing, its like a blackhole, the wind who blew over its like a sharp razer cutting throught my face, the tears that roll down my face make me shivering, for a second, i really feel that jumping down from the 14th floor cause i'm really hurt, really hurt...
Normally when i feel really depressed and sad, i drink, play dota a lot, read comic book. I just brought 3 comic books, play 3 hours of dota, i even took few stick of cigar but none of them help. None of them give me a better feeling, not even temporary..

If you are reading this, perhaps i think you wont, i really hope i can get a second chance from you because i knew that you are the one. I don hope this is the end..... I swear i will try my best to be your better man..