I got a news from friend that you are going back to Sandakan that day. I couldn't describe my feeling about that. He told me that thats my opportunity to ask you back but i wouldn't dare to do that. The first thing i did when i received the news was i called you, get the confirmation and offer myself to pick you up. You denied because due to your family issues again. Maybe i'm missing you too much, i still invite one of my buddies to go check out in the airport. Your flight arrived at 9.00pm but i was waiting there since 8.30pm because i would not want your parents to notice my appearance. From far, i saw you walking out the terminal, with an white shirt. I really wish to go and say Hi but i dont wan something stupid happened later.
Luckily, you would still going to hang out with me when you are in Sandakan. We went to have a drink and we meet some friends and people who allow us to stay in their apartment when i was in KL. They knew the whole story about us and i personally think that they would though we are getting back together. Anyway, thats not important. We have a really long long chat, you talked a lot, a lot but none of the topic are about us or our relationship. You look very happy when we are chatting. Frankly, i really wish to talk about our problems, getting another chance from you but i really dont wanna see you cry anymore. You are very happy now, except studies, you don hav anymore stress. You have a bunch of good friends which can share a lot with you. Since you are so happy nowadays, i really don wish to spoilt ur happiness.
During the 3rd day, we went out with some of our friends. Personally i think thats a awkward situation cause i really dunno how to act in front of them. We were still couples months ago but right now? Who am i? Hmm... I really dont understand. Every night i sent you home, i cried outside your house. I really wish you can stay longer. I remember the time that kissing your forehead everytime i send you home. I cried, seriously, i cried but i dont know what to do..
After those days, you couldn't go out anymore because your family again. We still managed to go back to our secondary school go get a non-academic transcipt from our teacher. I can see that you do not know how to answer when teacher ask us whether we are still together or not. I felt really sad but i pretend i didnt get it. We chat a while on MSN but you seems emo because you couldn't get ur information. Things get worse when you change ur status update on ur facebook. At that moment, i knew that its definitely from your mum again, she's giving you pressure. After that night, i went to buy some chocolate for you because i knew that you would like it. You smile happily when i handed it to you but, our status are different.
I cant even send you off when you are going to board back to KL. Like the day you arrived, what can i do is check you out from far. I only can see a good family reunion and only dare to call you when they left and you walk into the terminal. I called you, wished you but you wouldn't know what to say and told me that you wouldn't like to chat anymore. I really miss you a lot but i know i couldn't do anything. I think the problems is not LOVE - LOVE anymore. Its family...
Friday, September 3, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Lifeless...
Until today, i couldn't believed that we had broke up. Not even a bit. I think about you everyday, everynight. Everyone include YOU asked me to let it go, let it go. How could i do that? I tried every single way to release my stress, none of it works. I try my best to ask to give me one more chance but you keep denied. Right now, I still believe you are still in love with me, i really believe but i think the problem is not me and you anymore. I strongly believe, its definitely regard to your parents. I have lost all my ideas, being together with me, its our problem, why should it related or bond with our families? Why should you let your familes to decide everything?
Maybe its truth, after few weeks of considerate, i feel that i couldn't blame anyone. Which parents would like their precious daughter to date a fucking douche bag like me. Like that THEY said, i am super duper playful, i wont even think about my future. Right now, i had lost all my direction, i dunno what to do next. I get sohai result for my A level, i lost my love one. Right now, i lost both of it, i don have quota to debate with ur parents anymore, they totally wouldn't like me to appear in ur life again. I really hope you will be with right now cause i know, you are the only one that can inspire me, who can motivate me.
I keep thinking when i was in KK, taking my sohai result. Will my result be better if you choose to study in KK? I think yes, before that, when i was in my secondary school, you will always do revision with me, study with me, even make me express notes. I wouldn't be so playful if you are there, you surely gonna control me. However, i dont feel regret or shit because i really learn a lot when i was in kk, i got a lot of good friends, close friends. But this time, i really lost a lot, a lot, a lot..
Looking at ur fb, but wouldn't dare to leave a single shit comment. Looking at ur photo, but dont even dare to text or call you. I really miss you a lot. I dunno whether you still remember me, or think about me or not. I dunno why, i feel that you are in love, or got feel with other guy right now, or maybe i'm think too fucking much. I'm feel jealous of envy for those guys who can talk to you, can share every single shit with you, even good thing or bad thing. You seems like very happy to talk with them. Unlike me, everything you look at me, or talk to me, you look stressful, unhappy, crying.
Right now, i still hope i can be with you, i really dont wan to be alone, but i wont dare to ask you anymore, i'm no one to you, you got a lot of better choice in front of me. Will smoking helps? I really got the temptation to smoke right now because i'm really stressful. Love, Studies even families. Friends who know me well knew that i got a god damn sohai bros. My parents keep ask me to save him up from not studying. Right now, what i can tell them is, i cant even save myself.
Maybe its truth, after few weeks of considerate, i feel that i couldn't blame anyone. Which parents would like their precious daughter to date a fucking douche bag like me. Like that THEY said, i am super duper playful, i wont even think about my future. Right now, i had lost all my direction, i dunno what to do next. I get sohai result for my A level, i lost my love one. Right now, i lost both of it, i don have quota to debate with ur parents anymore, they totally wouldn't like me to appear in ur life again. I really hope you will be with right now cause i know, you are the only one that can inspire me, who can motivate me.
I keep thinking when i was in KK, taking my sohai result. Will my result be better if you choose to study in KK? I think yes, before that, when i was in my secondary school, you will always do revision with me, study with me, even make me express notes. I wouldn't be so playful if you are there, you surely gonna control me. However, i dont feel regret or shit because i really learn a lot when i was in kk, i got a lot of good friends, close friends. But this time, i really lost a lot, a lot, a lot..
Looking at ur fb, but wouldn't dare to leave a single shit comment. Looking at ur photo, but dont even dare to text or call you. I really miss you a lot. I dunno whether you still remember me, or think about me or not. I dunno why, i feel that you are in love, or got feel with other guy right now, or maybe i'm think too fucking much. I'm feel jealous of envy for those guys who can talk to you, can share every single shit with you, even good thing or bad thing. You seems like very happy to talk with them. Unlike me, everything you look at me, or talk to me, you look stressful, unhappy, crying.
Right now, i still hope i can be with you, i really dont wan to be alone, but i wont dare to ask you anymore, i'm no one to you, you got a lot of better choice in front of me. Will smoking helps? I really got the temptation to smoke right now because i'm really stressful. Love, Studies even families. Friends who know me well knew that i got a god damn sohai bros. My parents keep ask me to save him up from not studying. Right now, what i can tell them is, i cant even save myself.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
...............................
I cant believe when i checked my last post, it was a year ago. Today might be the worst day in my life. I used to have a very pretty girlfriend, a girl who love me very much, care about me, called me every single day. However, sometimes human being are fucking stupid, they would care or do any shit when good things around until something happened. Few hours ago, the gal who love me very much choose to dump me. I felt that my heart and broken into a million pieces, i cannot describe how hurt is it. Its more than a pain in the ass, more like a pain in the anus.
We used a have a merry life, our family like each other, we gather a lot but it all become a memory right now. Friends around me always jealous of me that i'm having such a gf, they will always say i'm a lucky guy, even my lecturer told me that i'm blessed. God had blessed me with such a good relationship, people like me who doesn;t believe in shit religion, broke all this into a million pieces. When i was in kl, i cried 10 days out of 11 days. nearly every single night, i couldn't accept the fact that the girl who been with me for nearly 4 years doesn't love me anymore. I'm no one to her but a step-strangers.
I watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" a lot and i felt that i'm like the guy inside, Peter. Its really everything that remind me of her, my shirt, my pants, my jacket. Like my jacket, i told her i always feel cold when i was in the lecture hall because i don have a jacket but one day, when i come home and she got me this. Now i feel like i'm the warmest and happiest guy in the earth.
Among these days, i really enjoy the time to be with you. The happiest moment for me was the day in Genting, Zoo and Mid Valley, although i didnt feel any love from you to me anymore but the "dating" feeling which absent from me for nearly a year had finally came back. RIght now, all those memories keep on floating inside my mind, Zara, Sub, Nike, Lacoste, Nando. My friend drove me to Pavillion just now and she introduced me the National Zoo which is one of my happiest memory, which is the place she introduced me to all her best buddies in KL.
Actually i knew that she doesn't love me anymore, i really felt that, everything she talked to her friends, she will always be laughing, even texting but when she turned her face to me, the probability of watching her smilling is less then 0.1.
There is 2 factor that cause our relationship to break up, but its all from me... First of all, its she didnt feel any improvement from me, i didnt put enough effort on my study, i admit i was too playful when i was in KK, perhaps super playful. I haven't even get my A2 result and apply any college yet, but she edi give up on me. Secondly, i didnt pay enough attention to her. I always neglect her message when i was in kk because i nearly play pool, dota, drink every single night. So, conclusion, its all my fault to breaking this perfect relationship into piece of shit.
I pretend i was fine, but actually i'm not. When i send her back to her coursemate house just now. I cried, a lot, like a crying baby. I wouldn't want her to leave, i wish i know how to do a chronosphere, trap the time. i know that once she walk away, its the end, she choose to stay until i take my life but i asked to her walk away. I'm crying alone afterwards, looking at a view, its dark, really dark, i cant see a thing, its like a blackhole, the wind who blew over its like a sharp razer cutting throught my face, the tears that roll down my face make me shivering, for a second, i really feel that jumping down from the 14th floor cause i'm really hurt, really hurt...
Normally when i feel really depressed and sad, i drink, play dota a lot, read comic book. I just brought 3 comic books, play 3 hours of dota, i even took few stick of cigar but none of them help. None of them give me a better feeling, not even temporary..
If you are reading this, perhaps i think you wont, i really hope i can get a second chance from you because i knew that you are the one. I don hope this is the end..... I swear i will try my best to be your better man..
We used a have a merry life, our family like each other, we gather a lot but it all become a memory right now. Friends around me always jealous of me that i'm having such a gf, they will always say i'm a lucky guy, even my lecturer told me that i'm blessed. God had blessed me with such a good relationship, people like me who doesn;t believe in shit religion, broke all this into a million pieces. When i was in kl, i cried 10 days out of 11 days. nearly every single night, i couldn't accept the fact that the girl who been with me for nearly 4 years doesn't love me anymore. I'm no one to her but a step-strangers.
I watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" a lot and i felt that i'm like the guy inside, Peter. Its really everything that remind me of her, my shirt, my pants, my jacket. Like my jacket, i told her i always feel cold when i was in the lecture hall because i don have a jacket but one day, when i come home and she got me this. Now i feel like i'm the warmest and happiest guy in the earth.
Among these days, i really enjoy the time to be with you. The happiest moment for me was the day in Genting, Zoo and Mid Valley, although i didnt feel any love from you to me anymore but the "dating" feeling which absent from me for nearly a year had finally came back. RIght now, all those memories keep on floating inside my mind, Zara, Sub, Nike, Lacoste, Nando. My friend drove me to Pavillion just now and she introduced me the National Zoo which is one of my happiest memory, which is the place she introduced me to all her best buddies in KL.
Actually i knew that she doesn't love me anymore, i really felt that, everything she talked to her friends, she will always be laughing, even texting but when she turned her face to me, the probability of watching her smilling is less then 0.1.
There is 2 factor that cause our relationship to break up, but its all from me... First of all, its she didnt feel any improvement from me, i didnt put enough effort on my study, i admit i was too playful when i was in KK, perhaps super playful. I haven't even get my A2 result and apply any college yet, but she edi give up on me. Secondly, i didnt pay enough attention to her. I always neglect her message when i was in kk because i nearly play pool, dota, drink every single night. So, conclusion, its all my fault to breaking this perfect relationship into piece of shit.
I pretend i was fine, but actually i'm not. When i send her back to her coursemate house just now. I cried, a lot, like a crying baby. I wouldn't want her to leave, i wish i know how to do a chronosphere, trap the time. i know that once she walk away, its the end, she choose to stay until i take my life but i asked to her walk away. I'm crying alone afterwards, looking at a view, its dark, really dark, i cant see a thing, its like a blackhole, the wind who blew over its like a sharp razer cutting throught my face, the tears that roll down my face make me shivering, for a second, i really feel that jumping down from the 14th floor cause i'm really hurt, really hurt...
Normally when i feel really depressed and sad, i drink, play dota a lot, read comic book. I just brought 3 comic books, play 3 hours of dota, i even took few stick of cigar but none of them help. None of them give me a better feeling, not even temporary..
If you are reading this, perhaps i think you wont, i really hope i can get a second chance from you because i knew that you are the one. I don hope this is the end..... I swear i will try my best to be your better man..
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